Thursday, November 6, 2008

Clomid Day 5, Month 5

Clomid is a much too clinical name for a drug with so many physical and emotional side effects. From now on, I would like to propose a new name for Clomid that I hope the medical community will embrace just as much as the women who have been subjected to the drug’s many unwelcome side effects. Clomid shall now be known as “The Evil Drug.” Not an evil drug, but THE evil drug.

Today is my last day of month 5 to take The Evil Drug. Knowing that next month is my last month on The Evil Drug is awesome. I eagerly anticipate the day where I don’t feel like a raging lunatic, or start sobbing at my desk or have to stick my head in the freezer because of a hot flash. I can’t wait to have my body and some emotional control back.

The Evil Drug’s emotional side effects have become more manageable over these past 5 months. Angry Anna has her moments, but the key is that there are only moments of angriness instead of days of angriness. What sucks the most right now is the hot flashes. I am a very cold-natured person when not on Clomid. My space heater is on in my office year-round and I always have an extra blanket on the bed. When taking the Evil Drug, however, my body temperature apparently spikes out of control at random moments. One moment I have my heater on, the next minute my suit jacket is off, the heater is off and I have to stick my head in the freezer to cool down. There’s nothing like your boss walking into the workplace kitchen only to find you in a tank top and with your head in the freezer. It’s very professional. Working out and having a hot flash is even better. The worst however, are the night hot flashes. Those wake me up in the middle of the night as I violently throw off all the covers and go to the bathroom to wipe the sweat off of my body. It’s awesome. I feel suddenly more connected and sympathetic to all the menopausal women of the world. Workplace nakedness should be allowed for those going through menopause and those on Clomid. Those visors with personal fans on them should be automatically distributed with each dose of Clomid. I am really full of practical advice for the medical and pharmaceutical professions.

Only one more month of The Evil Drug, only one more month. That’s the little chant I will remember today and tonight when my head is in the freezer and when I am wiping the sweat off my body in the early hours of the morning.

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