Monday, November 17, 2008

Life in the Slower Lane

It's not until I go home to Alabama that I realize how busy my life in Minnesota really is. Between my commute, long work days, meetings, a billing requirement that is hard to reach, trying to fit in the gym and a weekend packed full of social and family events, I guess my life is pretty busy. Since I'm surrounded by family and friends with the same type of schedule, if not more crazy, it's easy to forget that not everyone leads such a hectic life. And to add icing on my busy life cake, I just took a part-time holiday position in the handbags department at Macy's. I've never worked retail, love Christmas, love handbags and love Macy's most of all, so why not?

I expected that when I started seeing an acupuncturist and a maya abdominal massage therapist that my life would change somehow. I knew that they would probably recommend that I slow down, destress and relax...easy to say, and not at all easy to do. But I have been pleasantly surprised. Tomorrow I will see my acupuncturist Nicole for the 4th time. I love her. Since she specializes in fertility and women's health, she knows what every stage of the infertility saga holds. She knows that the waiting is the hardest part, she knows the hot flashes that the Clomid causes and she knows about the Clomid rages. I don't have to tell her about all of these things because she just knows. Last week when I was getting poked with needles (not even close to as bad as I expected it to be), she looked at me and said "I know you're in the hardest part right now - the waiting part." It was pretty much like she read my mind. So although Nicole knows that my life is hectic, my job is stressful and that I have some control issues (Brandon was very surprised to hear that one!), Nicole is the first person to ever have suggested that instead of trying to completely eliminate all the craziness and stress, which is practically impossible, to offset them instead.

I doubt that anyone who knows me would consider me a holistic-type person. I adore chocolate, check Web MD every time I have so much as a cough (and inevitably it diagnoses me with a multitude of life-threatening illnesses), and consider "down time" a few hours on the couch eating cookies and watching mindless TV. However, Nicole has helped me realize the importance of offsetting the stress and chaos in my life with quiet time, healthier eating and reducing my urge to control. So, although I haven't given up on chocolate, and will still relish my mindless TV time, I am making a real effort to eat more organic foods, be more mindful of how I spend my free time, and meditate every day. It's still early in my holistic-friendly life, but so far, I really like it. In my world it is similar to finding a great new line of clothing where most of the designs fit me, but not quite all of them. So instead, I mix and match with some of my other favorite designers.

P.S. I love Jennifer (my massage therapist) too, but I am not seeing her weekly like I am with Nicole.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Clomid Day 5, Month 5

Clomid is a much too clinical name for a drug with so many physical and emotional side effects. From now on, I would like to propose a new name for Clomid that I hope the medical community will embrace just as much as the women who have been subjected to the drug’s many unwelcome side effects. Clomid shall now be known as “The Evil Drug.” Not an evil drug, but THE evil drug.

Today is my last day of month 5 to take The Evil Drug. Knowing that next month is my last month on The Evil Drug is awesome. I eagerly anticipate the day where I don’t feel like a raging lunatic, or start sobbing at my desk or have to stick my head in the freezer because of a hot flash. I can’t wait to have my body and some emotional control back.

The Evil Drug’s emotional side effects have become more manageable over these past 5 months. Angry Anna has her moments, but the key is that there are only moments of angriness instead of days of angriness. What sucks the most right now is the hot flashes. I am a very cold-natured person when not on Clomid. My space heater is on in my office year-round and I always have an extra blanket on the bed. When taking the Evil Drug, however, my body temperature apparently spikes out of control at random moments. One moment I have my heater on, the next minute my suit jacket is off, the heater is off and I have to stick my head in the freezer to cool down. There’s nothing like your boss walking into the workplace kitchen only to find you in a tank top and with your head in the freezer. It’s very professional. Working out and having a hot flash is even better. The worst however, are the night hot flashes. Those wake me up in the middle of the night as I violently throw off all the covers and go to the bathroom to wipe the sweat off of my body. It’s awesome. I feel suddenly more connected and sympathetic to all the menopausal women of the world. Workplace nakedness should be allowed for those going through menopause and those on Clomid. Those visors with personal fans on them should be automatically distributed with each dose of Clomid. I am really full of practical advice for the medical and pharmaceutical professions.

Only one more month of The Evil Drug, only one more month. That’s the little chant I will remember today and tonight when my head is in the freezer and when I am wiping the sweat off my body in the early hours of the morning.