Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Three Plans

I credit my dad for passing along the gene of ultra-planning. Although Stan (my father) values daily planning, through daily, monthly and yearly lists, much more than I do, there is still a little part of me that needs to have a plan. It should be noted that one plan is not sufficient in my world. I need to have three plans – a short-term plan, a long term plan and an alternative plan. I reject the term “Plan B”, because often times I like the alternative plan just as much as I like the original short-term or long-term plan. Usually the alternative plan is just one that is less immediately feasible, and will take more work to fulfill. Brandon (my husband) is kind enough to indulge my need for the three plans with regard to our finances, home, careers, and now in our family planning.

The Short-Term Plan

The short-term plan is that the Clomid will work and we will be able to conceive a biological child. My doctor’s limitation for Clomid is 6 months, so that is our window for conceiving. Brandon and I decided together that Clomid is the only means of reproductive aid that we will utilize. No hormone shots, no IVF. I am proud of our decision and stand by it 100%. We have several friends who have conceived beautiful babies using IVF, and I could not respect them more for making that choice. It is a hard decision to make and not an easy process to go through.

The Long-Term Plan

If we are unable to conceive within the 6 months on Clomid, we will take 6 months off to let our hearts and bodies heal. This was hard for me. I want a child so badly that even putting our alternative plan off by a day is going to be hard. However, I think everyone who has seen Angry Anna will agree that 6 months to get the evil Clomid out of my body is necessary. It might also take 6 months to get used to not having butt-propped-up-on-the-pillows sex and for me to become accustomed to not peeing on a variety of sticks first thing in the morning. No more naked dashes from the bathroom to the kitchen! I’m sure my neighbors will be thankful. I have in mind several trips to take during those 6 months… They include: Hershey, Pennsylvania (I think it only fair to visit the American birthplace of my favorite food), New York (for shopping at its best), Las Vegas (preferably with my girlfriends so that there can be lots of dancing and laying out in the sun – neither are favorites of Brandon), and maybe, Paris (my favorite city of the places I’ve been). It should be noted that the three plans for each area of my life sometimes conflict with one another. For example, the long-term family planning plan and the long-term financial plan might not be in agreement over the plethora of trips I plan to take in 6 months, but the family planning plan is in the spotlight for the purposes of this blog, and the financial plan is just the boring and way too practical older brother.

The Alternative Plan

International adoption. I have my heart set on Columbia, for practical, and maybe a tinge of superficial, reasons as well. For the practical, Columbia is the country where we can get the youngest child (3-6 months old), which is appealing since we have never had a baby before, and want to experience as many phases of our child’s life as possible. For the superficial reason, it is fun to think about my child having an olive skin tone, with big brown eyes and dark hair, not characteristics that our biological child would likely have coming from pasty Irish and Scottish-gened persons, both with light eyes and light hair. International adoption is expensive, which is why it is the alternative plan. I like it just as much as having a biological child, but with adoption comes homestudies and large, upfront costs at certain stages. Brandon and I would also be required to stay in Columbia for up to 6 weeks. I still see the flashes of terror across Brandon’s eyes when he recalls his experiences as a passenger in our 2 car rides in the Dominican Republic on our honeymoon. As this is his only international driving experience (which seems to be one of the predominant memories from our honeymoon), I think it scares him a little bit to think we may be dealing with those kind of car rides on a daily basis for 6 weeks. From the research I have done online, Columbia is a beautiful country and very historically rich. I have never had the opportunity to visit any central or southern American countries. To me, this trip sounds amazing and one that I would no doubt want to make again when our child is old enough to want to learn about his/her home country.

I find solace in knowing that no matter which of the plans in the family planning category will become “The Plan”, I will be a mom. In the “Life After Limbo Plan” (that’s right – there’s one of those as well), I envision myself walking to school hand-in-hand with 2 versions of children. One is blonde, blue-eyed with my laugh and Brandon’s eyes, is bubbly and vivacious and excited to start kindergarten. The other has dark hair and beautiful brown eyes, the complexion that my dreams are made of, is bubbly and vivacious and excited to start kindergarten. Either way, I envision myself as feeling extraordinarily happy and fortunate… I can’t wait. But waiting is the name of the game when living Life in Limbo.

1 comment:

elizabeth (dundee) lampert said...

Anna, I love your writing and I love that you are sharing such a tremendously personal journey. You will be a mom and you will be a great mom. Both of your plans are good...I can envision you with either child - pasty white like the rest of us, or olive skin that we can only dream of. I'm sure that the waiting is grueling but I trust that you will find unbelievable joy at the end of this long long road.